guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
