Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
