When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
