Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
