You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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