the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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