You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
He has the fingertips of a God
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
