this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
