in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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