Can i not drive my cunt home
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
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