if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
