I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I deserve this hangover.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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