You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
