Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize