At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
