I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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