it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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