Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
