Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
