drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
My balls are so social today.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
