i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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