True but thats because hes a fetus.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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