So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
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