I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
