Where are you?
In a non slutty way
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
