my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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