O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
