Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
