At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
