dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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