i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
