Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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