I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
