I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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