That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
