I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
