actually, I'm a sock model
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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