mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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