I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
