I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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