I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I want her autograph on my taint
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
