What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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