sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
