Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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