I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
