apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
