PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
