I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
