im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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