i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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