I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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