so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
