conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize