C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
