to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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