Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
