i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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