got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
