it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
