My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
