I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
