Just fell off a train. Bad.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
did you just send me my own nude
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
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