Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize