just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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