i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
