As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Randomize
