did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
