dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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