i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
