nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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