all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
it was like eating out sand paper
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
