He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I need water and some morals
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
