doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
