Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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