I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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