accomplished twins. life is a go
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
why is half of my head shaved?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
