My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
