My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
