I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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