then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
